Went to bed probably an hour and a half early. Couldn't sleep ended up having thoughts in my head of my past basically thinking of how my daughter's father (has cerebral palsy don't ask) wanted to cripple me when I was already crippled without me knowing what I know now. How he tried to break my knees so I could be just like him. Without being able to do things on my own and live in pain for the rest of my life when I was already suffering from spinal and muscle pain.
I wanted to scream so much at him just to tell him (excuse me on this) fuck you for trying to break me when I was already broken down mentally for leaving me with a baby to do all the work on my own, couldn't work because I feared if I left my baby with him if I went out and actually got a job so I can be somewhat independent to give my daughter clothing on her back and food instead of depending on WIC, and his soc sec disability and survivor income. Fuck you for leaving me in pain while you went to go play your video games with your online buddies as you were heavily on pot. As I cried suffering lying in bed all alone while my daughter wanted mommy to come play with her, or change her, or feed her. Fuck you for not giving a damn and never coming to my aid when I needed help as I gained 40 pounds during the time I have lived with your sorry ass who wanted nothing more than someone to lay down with and make sure you were fed.
I am glad that I left you my life and my daughter's life is so much better without you. Because of this fucking autoimmune disease that I have to suffer for the rest of my life. As I go out earn another dollar to take care of my family while suffering memory loss. I can't spell (while texting) as well as I want to, I can't remember simple things (like watering the plant, giving outdoor cats water, forgetting the clothes are in the dryer, to eat, take my vitamins, or even open the car door to get out). I fear that I might forget memories of my fiance like who he is, what he looks like, how he smells, and touch as I get older by the second. We are 10yrs apart age wise (I'm minus 10) I don't know who will go first to the grave, I know my daughter will be live on and find her own adventures. I can never repay how much kindness he's shown to me and my daughter. I hate being in physical and mental pain and have to just act like everything is okay when its not.
The only good memories I have of when we first met playing an xbox 360 game Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare OverRun. How it took two years to finally be with him and how we met finally in person when he couldn't keep his eyes off of me as he smiled knowing that I'm finally there with him physically. If we ever fought thankfully I forget about it because of this lovely autoimmune disease. I want nothing more just like everyone else in the planet to be happy, pain free and live a long long life to the age of 70 or above. I'll be lucky if I make it to 60.
To the readers I am sorry if it came out a little strong but I just had to vent it out. I can't have this anger holding me back all this time just to tell that asshole fuck you when he will never see it or read it. After leaving my daughter's father. I have went from 180 lbs to 140 lbs now unfortunately back to 160 lbs since living in Texas for one year possibly gained 5-10 lbs before I left Connecticut totalling the 160. The only time I will ever feel thinner is from after using the bathroom in the morning. I've had so much anger built up which probably added towards the weight gain other than poor choices in food. My head hurts so much right now from all this venting hopefully I can get back to sleep before I get to work in the morning.
Again I apologize to anyone who doesn't use such language as I have from this vent.
I wanted to scream so much at him just to tell him (excuse me on this) fuck you for trying to break me when I was already broken down mentally for leaving me with a baby to do all the work on my own, couldn't work because I feared if I left my baby with him if I went out and actually got a job so I can be somewhat independent to give my daughter clothing on her back and food instead of depending on WIC, and his soc sec disability and survivor income. Fuck you for leaving me in pain while you went to go play your video games with your online buddies as you were heavily on pot. As I cried suffering lying in bed all alone while my daughter wanted mommy to come play with her, or change her, or feed her. Fuck you for not giving a damn and never coming to my aid when I needed help as I gained 40 pounds during the time I have lived with your sorry ass who wanted nothing more than someone to lay down with and make sure you were fed.
I am glad that I left you my life and my daughter's life is so much better without you. Because of this fucking autoimmune disease that I have to suffer for the rest of my life. As I go out earn another dollar to take care of my family while suffering memory loss. I can't spell (while texting) as well as I want to, I can't remember simple things (like watering the plant, giving outdoor cats water, forgetting the clothes are in the dryer, to eat, take my vitamins, or even open the car door to get out). I fear that I might forget memories of my fiance like who he is, what he looks like, how he smells, and touch as I get older by the second. We are 10yrs apart age wise (I'm minus 10) I don't know who will go first to the grave, I know my daughter will be live on and find her own adventures. I can never repay how much kindness he's shown to me and my daughter. I hate being in physical and mental pain and have to just act like everything is okay when its not.
The only good memories I have of when we first met playing an xbox 360 game Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare OverRun. How it took two years to finally be with him and how we met finally in person when he couldn't keep his eyes off of me as he smiled knowing that I'm finally there with him physically. If we ever fought thankfully I forget about it because of this lovely autoimmune disease. I want nothing more just like everyone else in the planet to be happy, pain free and live a long long life to the age of 70 or above. I'll be lucky if I make it to 60.
To the readers I am sorry if it came out a little strong but I just had to vent it out. I can't have this anger holding me back all this time just to tell that asshole fuck you when he will never see it or read it. After leaving my daughter's father. I have went from 180 lbs to 140 lbs now unfortunately back to 160 lbs since living in Texas for one year possibly gained 5-10 lbs before I left Connecticut totalling the 160. The only time I will ever feel thinner is from after using the bathroom in the morning. I've had so much anger built up which probably added towards the weight gain other than poor choices in food. My head hurts so much right now from all this venting hopefully I can get back to sleep before I get to work in the morning.
Again I apologize to anyone who doesn't use such language as I have from this vent.